How does anger affect your relationship?

Relationships are complicated, no doubt about that and couples relationships even more than other types. They need hard work and constant attention and one thing they can’t afford is the destructive nature of feelings such as anger. Of course, there are numerous other issues and aspects that influence a relationship between two people, but anger seems to be a reoccurring affair within couples. It presents itself in many types of behavior and in frequent cases has very deep roots. But all types of anger in all forms of behavior are destructive and many couples seek for help in counseling. Anger management therapy and groups have become more and more popular, because people also became more and more aware of the effects of anger.

In order to fully understand how this can affect your relationship and to have a beneficial counseling experience, you first need to get to the bottom of the issue. Why are you so angry? Why are so many people so angry in general? A lot of studies were conducted in this area, trying to shed some light over the causes of anger and the results were widely diverse. One study concluded that aggressiveness is something that babies are born with, another study talked about the lack of opportunities that young people face in this society, while others blames computer games or the mass media, including movies, music videos and TV shows. The truth is that each and every one of these issues really influences our behavior, but not in such a great manner as considered to. In fact, the biggest influence on our attitudes is our upbringing, the environment and the way in which we are raised and educated. The examples set out for us and the treatments we get along the way have a lot to say for the way in which we manage or express our anger.


Whatever the case, one thing is for sure, anger behavior will affect your relationship because people tend to gather up the emotions of unresolved hurtful experiences and project them over the ones closest to them. Feelings like disappointment, shame, ridicule or loss must be discussed and explored, otherwise similar circumstances may provoke a response of anger when they shouldn’t. While you may see your anger as a form of protection, your other half will only see it as a destructive behavior towards him or her. Communicating all these feelings and emotions, especially if they have been suppressed for a long time, is difficult, which is why counseling and anger management may prove greatly helpful. Intimate relationships are often propitious for anger, because being intimate means showing your vulnerabilities and accepting the vulnerabilities of the other and this can trigger aggressiveness and anger.

People have and always had these romantic projections of what relationships should be or feel like, ideal environments where they can feel safe and loved, but in reality this is not always the case and the disappointment or the inability to cope with this reality causes anger that is directly pointed towards the partner. Learning how to control your anger, how to manage your feelings, but also how to express them and how to efficiently communicate with your partner will hugely help your relationship.

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